Fun - Jokes

Don't Have Anything

A woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks, "Do you have any small note-books?"

"Sorry," says the manager. "We're all out."

The woman shrugs, and asks, "Well, do you have any mechanical pencils?"

"Nope, don't have that either," says the manager.

The woman feels her stomach rumbling and asks, "Do you have Doritos? Nachos?"

The manager shrugs, "Sorry. Don't have that."

"My God!" the woman shouts, "If you don't have anything, you should close the store!"

The manager shrugs, "Don't have the key."

 

A Demanding Customer

A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth and never once getting angry. So finally, a second customer asked why didn't they just throw out the pest.

"Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."

 

Everything Is Funny

Mr. X had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when he accidentally cut off a truck driver. Truck driver motioned for him to pull over.

When he did, truck driver got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to Mr. X, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!".

Truck driver then went to his car and cut up leather seats. When he turned around Mr. X had a slight grin on his face, so truck driver said, "Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!" He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in the car. When he turns and looks at Mr. X,  he has a smile on his face. Truck driver is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all car tires. Now Mr. X is laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around and Mr. X is laughing so hard he is about to fall down.

"What's so funny?" the truck driver asked Mr. X.

Mr X replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!"

 

Getting A Better Warranty

An angry motorist went back to a garage where he'd purchased an expensive battery for his car six months earlier.

"Listen," the motorist grumbled to the owner of the garage, "when I bought that battery you said it would be the last battery my car would ever need. It died after only six months!"

"Sorry," apologized the garage owner. "I didn't think your car would last longer than that."

 

Flat Tyres

Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. They decided to party instead. Their biggest exam was on Wednesday and they showed up telling the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study. The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything. Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to separate classrooms to take the exam. Each shrugged and went to two different parts of the building. As each sat down, they read the first question. "For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom." At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease. Then, the test continued. "For 95 points, tell me which tire it was."